Sunday, February 14, 2016

FPR Blog 67: Living and Not Liking What You're Learning

Reality. What a kick in the balls…


I have to say, no matter how crazy it sounds, I sometimes wonder if this is all real.


Can this life really be so bleak? Is it just a sad truth that society always disappoints? Friends turn out to be anything but. Loyalty is punished not rewarded.


I still don’t want to believe it, but the learning part of living is showing me that there isn't much in the way of kindness in this society. And that begins to change you.


I’ve been trying to understand the why, but I’m asking the wrong question to something I don’t even want the answer to.


Isolation...

Isolating myself has never been that hard for me. Surround me with the right tools and I can stay alone for a very, very long time.


So when I tell someone goodbye out of anger and pain, it’s very easy to never speak to said person again.


I hate when it happens, but people always find a way to disappoint.


It used to hurt. I used to Wallow for weeks on end. Shit, just read the blog before this one. It makes this Disneyland when compared.


However, this time, something else happened.


I put my family first. I took a gamble and it hurt, for a short while. But, I was already in a hole and beyond the point of no return. All I needed to do was climb out and run. So, that’s exactly what I did.


I took a lot of crap from a person who was worth spit. I’ve always said I rather starve on my feet than live on my knees. And believe me, my knees didn’t hurt. I take absolutely no shit when it comes to being mistreated or disrespected by anyone.


Treat me like I treat you. I may not be a bible guy, but that's one commandment I can get behind.


So if you treat or speak to me different, I’ll let you know I don’t like it. I sometimes tend to do that in a confrontational way. This usually works in my favor. Though I must admit that a previous experience like that caused some chaos and a “please don't return here”. Oh yea, there was a police escort and an ambulance ride. Wooops.


My point is, my intake of shit is zero.


There was only one factor for why I tolerated having to constantly fight to defend myself... That factor was friendship.


That math was wrong and it was my fault for not studying the ones and zeros of this often cruel society.


It's been a stumble, but it’s been uphill. That's better than my life has been in over 5 years. But, everything before that was a lot of fun and was worth some of the damage; past, present and future. 

Again, I say some of the damage.


Anyway. I learned another hard lesson, but it has made me a bit stronger. I didn't get emotional. On the contrary, I found some ambition. If nothing else, I'll take it as a good sign.


I also get to spend family time during family hours and that feels pretty damn good.


So as ugly as this lesson was, many positives came from accepting the education. I didn't just learn from it, it broke me free and I'll grow because of it.

You see, there's a light deep in that tunnel. All be it a dim one...

Thanks for reading

Blog by T. Clavero for Freedom Pop RadiO